At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
