im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
