i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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