On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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