Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
