I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
