I look better un-naked...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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