please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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