At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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