You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize