When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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