My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
