I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
