It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
