we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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