i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
