eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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