Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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