If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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