Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
