You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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