PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
