I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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