Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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