She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
