someone threw a dead crab at me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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