Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
