Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
