I hate all girls vehemently.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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