Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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