i may or may not be watching the land before time
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
