smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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