my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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