I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wear drunk well.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
