i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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