My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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