fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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