I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
