Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want her autograph on my taint
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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