Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
