No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
