There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
pray to the hookup gods
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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