so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
