i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
