Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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