Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
