Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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