Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
