What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
