dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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