just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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