I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
