I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
