How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
