I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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