I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
