Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
