she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
