Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
