Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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