i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
