3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
