You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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