What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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