oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
