So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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