if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
