If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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