he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
