Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
