Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
