Who did Billy Mays play for?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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