On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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