You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
