were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
