I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
