If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
