do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
