Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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