I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize