girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
